Working skilfully

Mindfulness is about working skilfully with whatever arises in our present-moment experience. Although we tend to imagine the past, present, and future as a combined range of time that we can access, in reality, we are only alive to our experience in the present moment. We can explore thoughts about the past through our memory and have thoughts that anticipate the future. Sometimes this may be intentionally “thinking on purpose”, for instance planning a holiday, and at other times we unintentionally drift off in thought when our minds wander. Working skilfully means bringing the right skills and attitudes to our experience.

In theory, we all have the capacity and opportunity to work skilfully with each passing moment. The reality is that we are often not as skilful as we could be. Several obstacles that make this difficult:

The first is that we may not be as aware and awake as we could be, so the moment passes us by.
When we’re under stress or are not fully aware, we tend to react automatically, rather than responding skilfully.
When we react, we often avoid or resist anything that appears as a threat or is seen as unpleasant, in our experience.
And to complicate matters even further, we tend to automatically identify with our thoughts and emotions, which gives them a power they may not deserve.

So, what are some of the mindfulness skills and attitudes that allow us to work more skillfully with our experience?

Attention: Our experience is where our attention is, whether this is listening to birdsong, in an app on our Smartphone, or off in thought in our heads. In the modern world, most of us are the servants, rather than the masters of our own attention. Knowing where our attention is at any moment is a fundamental skill.
Awareness: If attention is where our experience is directed, awareness is what we notice in the present moment. Ways to improve awareness include getting a good night’s sleep, eating healthily, exercising, and practising mindfulness during the day. This could be a simple ten-minute breathing practice at the beginning of the day, walking mindfully, or listening to a guided meditation.
Presence: This is about grounding ourselves in the present, by connecting with our body and senses, which are only ever in the here and now.
Thinking: Around half of our waking lives our attention wanders into automatic thoughts, which can be creative and useful but are more likely to be negative and limiting. Noticing when our mind wanders is a core mindfulness skill.
Emotions: Working skilfully with emotions as they arise, acknowledging what we’re feeling, and allowing them to be just as they are so they can play out and dissolve naturally, rather than keeping them going with thoughts about the emotion.
Responding: There is always a choice in the present moment if we are open and aware enough to notice. This allows us to choose from alternative responses that serve the situation better, rather than reacting automatically without any options.
Acceptance: Old ways of coping can sometimes lead us to avoid or resist what we experience. When this happens, we try bringing an attitude of openness and acceptance to the situation, which can change our relationship with it.
Space: Creating a bit of space and separation between our thoughts and feelings and who we are means we’re less likely to react and automatically overly identify with thoughts and feelings. By creating space, we also have greater mental clarity and access to more inner resources, which includes exploring choices and options for responding skilfully.
Kindness: Although we sometimes treat this as a scarce resource, there is no limit to bringing kindness and compassion to ourselves and others. Kindness, compassion, empathy, and understanding are at the heart of all good relationships, for individuals, and wider society.

One useful outcome of working skilfully is that it can help us to rise out of self-imposed limitations; habitual reactions and stuck feelings of the unconscious background of who we are; like an aircraft rising through the clouds into a clear open sky, letting go of heaviness and limitation; open to new possibilities.

We work with whatever arises in our experience. Sometimes we do this skilfully and at other times not so skilfully. The only time we have any real freedom and flexibility to make a difference is in the present moment, which is where cultivating mindfulness makes a real difference, reducing stress, anxiety, and low mood, improving communication and relationships, and helping us live with greater ease.

Suggested weekly practice

Appreciate the benefits of working skilfully in terms of wellbeing, for instance, reduced stress or anxiety, as well as how you perform at work and in your relationships.
Congratulate yourself every time you manage to respond skilfully rather than react automatically during the week.
Use curiosity to notice the link between being present and the ability to work skilfully.

Guidance

Find somewhere undisturbed and sit in a comfortable, dignified and upright posture, where you can remain alert and aware.
There are two guided practices for this session. You can close your eyes, or lower your gaze while the meditations play.

Play the first settling practice, then read through the session content, which you can print off if that helps.
Then play the second practice to explore working skilfully with your experience.

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