In today’s world, we’ve never had so many ways to engage with each other, build relationships, make connections, and keep in touch; yet, post-pandemic, levels of loneliness are now higher than ever, with 3.3 million people classed as chronically lonely in the UK between 2021 and 2022. Rather than enabling the interconnected global village, some aspects of the internet, social platforms, and smartphones are encouraging unhealthy behaviours at the heart of the human condition. Instead of open and authentic sharing, we’re offered what’s called curated reality where, for instance, people post pictures of lavish meals in fancy restaurants, to boost their self-worth by appearing better than others. This is the same type of behaviour that, to be honest, most of us have some experience of. For example, feeling diminished by another’s success.
Although loneliness affects the older generation, there’s also a significant increase among younger adults. Around a million young adults in the UK are chronically lonely. Recent studies show that the more time young people spend on social media, the more they feel socially isolated and alone, which is no surprise given the distorted and emotionally troubling, curated reality they’re consuming.
So why are there unhealthy behaviours at the heart of the human condition and what’s the fundamental cause? At least part of the answer is that there’s an inherent paradox to being human; on the one hand, we’re separate individuals and on the other, we’re all part of the whole human family.
As Albert Einstein eloquently pointed out: “A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
On an individual level, we all have a unique body we call our own that has our thoughts, memories, feelings, history, and culture. Of course, our individual bodies, life experiences, and memories are uniquely ours. Yet science tells us that our bodies share around ninety-nine percent of the same genetic code, which is no surprise given we’re the same species. And in other areas, as the saying goes, “There’s nothing new under the sun”; most of our thoughts, beliefs, opinions, and culture come from the outside world through education, the media, or conversations.
So, the paradox is that we somehow negotiate two contradictory truths; one that we’re separate individuals, the other that we’re an interconnected part of the whole. On one side this paradox explains why we have a fundamental need to feel acknowledged, and experience love and connection, while on the other why we can feel isolated, lonely, and alienated, even when we live in a huge city. The fact is that everyone wants to be happy and fulfilled: your work colleagues, the difficult manager, the taxi driver, the waiter in the café, and the other commuters on the train.
It’s unfortunate that the most effective way of selling products in our consumer-led society is based on a value system that treats us as individuals but promises future happiness and fulfilment by persistently pointing out our limitations; that we’re not good enough unless we have the latest car, the new sofa, exotic holidays, and a large social network of fantastic and attractive friends. All this reinforces feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth and encourages unhealthy behaviours across younger generations.
So how can we flip this paradox and become individuals who are also interconnected with other people? One approach is by cultivating mindfulness and compassion; engaging the world and people around us with openness, friendliness, and kindness; using patience and acceptance, taking the time to see, hear and truly acknowledge other people; deeply recognising that everyone experiences times of vulnerability, difficulties and challenges, pleasure and pain and has a complex inner life just like our own. Exploring being individual AND being interconnected with the whole of life and humanity resolves the sense of isolation and disconnection, which helps us discover the full meaning of joy and happiness.
Suggested weekly practices
- When you are next walking down a busy street by yourself, playfully explore seeing yourself and the other people as all connected at one level, rather than as separate isolated individuals.
- Notice how much you rely on others in your life and consider what you do for other people.
- Try to acknowledge strangers during the week, maybe talking in a friendly way to the person serving you in a shop or café.
Guidance
Find somewhere undisturbed and sit in a comfortable, dignified, and upright posture, where you can remain alert and aware.
There are two guided practices for this session. You can close your eyes or lower your gaze while the meditations play.
- Play the settling practice, then read the session content, which you can print off if that helps.
- Then play the second practice to explore inter-connection with others by practising loving kindness.
