Imagine that you are driving on the motorway at seventy miles an hour in the middle lane, overtaking slower vehicles on one side and cars speeding past on the other. You feel relaxed, listening to the radio, thinking about plans for the weekend. All of this is possible because you’ve placed your trust in the other drivers, in the manufacturer of your car, and in the organisation that maintains the road. You may even trust your Sat Nav. You’re also trusting the learned habits of your brain to drive while your attention drifts in thought. As an alternative, you could travel by train, but then you’re still trusting the train driver and the railway operating company. When you think about it, our society would break down at once if we could not trust one another; social trust is the glue that binds everything together.
Some people find it easier to trust other people than others, which often links back to differences in parental attachment during childhood. Someone with a difficult upbringing may not automatically trust people in the same way as an individual who experienced a safe and secure childhood. Our general level of trust in people can also be damaged in adulthood, if we suffer painful relationships, or are let down by others. On top of this, social trust is also under threat in the fast-moving society we live in. For instance, for many people, the use of misinformation and the bending of the truth has eroded trust in politicians and the media.
For tens of thousands of years, our ancestors evolved in small social groups, where everyone saw each other as relatively equal, in a trusted and supportive community. Although this sounds idealistic, this is backed up by anthropologists studying hunter-gatherer tribes today, who found many interesting behaviours that we could learn from. Being dependent on each other, they tend not to tolerate attempts to appear better than others or to dominate the group.
We now live in much larger and more complex societies. In a big city, we’re often surrounded by complete strangers, whom we’ve never met and are unlikely to ever see again, which would cause our ancestors enormous stress. So, it’s no surprise that people in cities tend to filter-out the built-in need for social connection, almost seeing other people as cardboard cut-outs.
With mindful awareness, we can override this tendency by being more conscious of social trust and actively trusting most people we meet. Of course, this means being wise and skilful, rather than naïve. Using open awareness and kindness, we can see other people as being just like us, with joys, challenges, and a complex inner life just like our own. You can practise this while commuting and at work. For instance, say you’re introduced to new people in a meeting at work, notice if you begin not trusting people you don’t already know as a default behaviour. If you discover that you’re not automatically trusting someone at work, it could be that there’s something about the way they come across, or that you’re projecting a lack of trust onto them; if this is the former, you may be right not to trust them. If the latter, it’s likely that you work in an environment where trust has been eroded, which is common in organisations that have an endemic blame culture.
There’s also an individual level of trust, in ourselves. Every day we trust that our bodies function properly; we trust our breath and heartbeat, our lungs extract oxygen, neurons fire, gut bacteria work away, cells are replenished, and we see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. It’s not that we have a choice, but we put our faith and trust in all these wonderful things.
Also, rather than sometimes looking outside for guidance, we can also trust that we have the right inner resources, knowledge and experience, insights, and intuition; trusting that if we are aware, calm, and alert, we’ll respond skilfully to whatever arises in our experience.
Practising mindfulness means taking responsibility for being our authentic selves, learning to listen to and trust our inner responses. And as we cultivate trust within ourselves, we’ll find it easier to trust other people, appreciating the basic goodness in everyone.
Suggested weekly practice
- Appreciating the trust that we have in other people who help us daily.
- Trusting in our own insight and intuition of what we observe in awareness.
- Bringing openness and kindness to others as we realise that they have a complex inner life just like our own.
Guidance
Find somewhere undisturbed and sit in a comfortable, dignified, and upright posture, where you can remain alert and aware.
There are two guided practices for this session. You can close your eyes, or lower your gaze while the meditations play.
- Play the first settling practice, then read through the session content, which you can print off if that helps.
- Then play the second practice to explore trusting others as well as yourself.
