We all have special things that we want to hold onto, our grandmother’s engagement ring, that old toy from our childhood, or a teenage diary. Some people are so reluctant to let go of things that it becomes a hoarding disorder, where there is a compulsive, emotional need to hold onto possessions. Edmund Trebus was a compulsive hoarder who was featured in the 1999 BBC documentary, “A Life of Grime”. Born in Poland in 1918, Edmund had a troubled life. He fought in the Second World War and eventually settled in a large Victorian house in North London where he married and had five children. He was a compulsive collector of discarded fridges, bicycles, building materials, and other junk, and ended up filling his garden and every room in his house with rubbish. His wife, who sat in a deckchair on the small patch of remaining grass in the garden, left him in 1981. By 1997 Edmund moved around the house by crawling through tunnels in the rubbish and was left with a small corner of the kitchen to live in. His house became invested with rats and the smell made life unbearable for neighbours. When the local council finally intervened, they removed nearly 400 cubic metres of rubbish. Edmund eventually moved out and spent his last years in a care home.
Although not many of us are destined to become compulsive hoarders, we all hold onto old beliefs and ways of thinking and feeling that no longer serve us and limit our potential. Hardly a moment of experience is immune from some of the mental and emotional baggage we drag into the present. Every raw moment of experience is potentially clean and untarnished before we perceive the world through our own mental and emotional overlays and filters. At best, this distorts how we see the world; at worst, it can suck the joy out of life. For one person, snow is a minor disaster, and for another a joy.
So why do we hold onto thoughts and emotions and how can we let go and discover the freedom, potential, and possibilities of each flowing moment of experience?
We’re attached to recurring thoughts and emotions because they are part of “what it means to be me”: my story, my situation, my relationships, my unpleasant experiences from childhood, my mistakes, my reactions and regrets, my feelings of shame, guilt or sadness, my worries, and anxieties. Like a speck on our sunglasses, which is so close to our eye that it’s out of focus; we easily lose sight of attachments in the vague background of our experience.
When our mind wanders, we often run through unresolved issues in our life just below conscious awareness, which then re-energize feelings held in the body. For instance, we may be innocently cleaning our teeth when our attention becomes distracted by thoughts of what happened last Saturday, “Did she really say that?”, “ Who does she think I am?” As feelings become re-energized, the body contracts a little; muscles tighten around the neck, face, and shoulders and our blood pressure rises slightly, all in the unnoticed background of experience.
So, the first step of letting go is to notice what’s going in the field or your awareness which includes thoughts, emotions, feelings, and sensations. For example, it may be that we notice a sudden physical contraction or tightness that alerts us to a little bit of frustration arising in a meeting. The next step is to fully observe, acknowledge and accept what’s going on with openness and kindness, allowing the thoughts, feelings, and sensations to be just as they are, without trying to immediately change or fix things with the mind. Every moment is a potential life-changer if we’re aware enough to simply observe and gain insight into what’s going on. No need to overthink, or otherwise block our experience. Habits that are no longer useful become powerful because they remain unnoticed. If something has a strong hold and is difficult to let go of, try directing your attention to what “holding on” feels like, resting in this experience and then letting it release and dissolve in its own time; like suddenly noticing that you’ve been holding onto something really tightly and releasing your grip.
The American playwright Tennessee Williams observed, “Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”
Letting go is about:
- Being present to your experience
- Noticing and acknowledging that past impulses and beliefs may be active in the background
- Realizing that you actually have the choice and freedom to let go and think, feel and act differently and more skilfully
Letting go is a radical invitation to stop clinging to anything, whether it’s a belief, a feeling, a habit, a relationship, your smartphone, your role, or even ideas about your appearance. Letting go is something each of us does every night. We lie down on a bed, turn out the lights, and let go of being awake. So, assuming that you can go to sleep, you’re already very experienced in letting go.
Guidance
Find somewhere undisturbed and sit in a comfortable, dignified and upright posture, where you can remain alert and aware.
There are two guided practices for this session. You can close your eyes, or lower your gaze while the meditations play.
- Play the settling practice, then read through the session content, which you can print off if that helps
- Then play the second audio to explore and experience letting go of thoughts, emotions, feelings, and physical sensations that no longer serve you.
