We’ve all experienced being on the receiving end of an act of kindness; a stranger smiles as they hold the door open; a driver creates space to let you out of a junction, or a colleague buys you coffee. Although kindness can sometimes seem superficial, it can also be powerful, inspiring, and transformative. In any given moment, the kindness you offer affects what comes after. As Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comic strip, said, “Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.”
Like mindfulness itself, kindness is a natural human quality that needs intentional practice to realise its potential. And research shows that kindness is good for our health and well-being. Studies show that thinking about, observing, or practising a kind act stimulates the vagus nerve, which literally warms up the heart and is closely connected to the brain’s receptor networks for oxytocin, the hormone involved in maternal bonding. Kindness also triggers the release of dopamine, the hormone associated with positive emotions and the sensation of a natural high. Kindness is proven to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression and can literally put us, and others, at ease. Kindness can work wonders in the relationships we have with ourselves and with everyone we encounter. There’s also a recent study that found good evidence that people who practise kindness tend to be much happier.
They say, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”, but research shows that we can learn new things for most of our lives. A counter-intuitive fact is that skills in relationships, like practising kindness, do not automatically present themselves as we get older. Kindness is an important skill that oils the relationship with ourselves, others, and our environment. The good news is that we can learn to be kinder to ourselves and others. Our brains mirror how we interpret the world, by what we do and pay attention to. So, when we practise kindness, we’re training our brains to get better at kindness. Conversely, when we focus our attention on being frustrated and stuck in our reactions to ourselves or others, we get better at that.
So next time you are out and about, offer a kind word or gesture to someone you meet, to someone who serves you in a shop or restaurant, and notice what happens. And when life does not go your way, instead of agreeing with the self-critical and judgemental inner dialogue, accept the situation as it is and bring kindness to yourself. If it helps, imagine that you’re encouraging the younger version of yourself, as a nurturing and compassionate parent or adult.
For many of us, the world we live in today seems more chaotic, dangerous, and challenging than at any other time in our lives. When disaster or tragedy strikes there are often heart-warming stories of kindness, where people come together in selfless unity and compassion for others.
It’s one thing to be kind to others and another to be kind to ourselves. Under pressure, our judgmental and self-critical inner dialogue runs away with itself; we say things to ourselves that we’d never dream of saying to anyone else, even to someone we really dislike. If you find yourself in the heat of a difficult or unpleasant situation, when you feel most negative and frustrated, take a moment to pause and bring kindness to yourself; suddenly, something shifts and you’re free, open, and whole again.
As the Dalai Lama said, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
Suggested weekly practice
- Notice and simply observe how you talk to yourself, about yourself. Is the self-talk negative, limiting, and depleting, or positive, expanding, and nurturing?
- Make a random act of kindness for someone you care about, a stranger, or even someone you dislike; see what happens and how you feel afterwards.
- Take a pause in difficult situations and bring acceptance, openness, and kindness into your experience.
Guidance
Find somewhere undisturbed and sit in a comfortable, dignified, and upright posture, where you can remain alert and aware.
There are two guided practices for this session. You can close your eyes, or lower your gaze while the meditations play.
- Play the settling practice, then read through the session content, which you can print off if that helps
- Then play the second audio to explore and experience bringing kindness to yourself
