We’re all very familiar with our inner voice; we may be cleaning our teeth or taking a shower as we mull over the day’s activities or plan for the weekend. Self-talk is a term used to describe the inner monologue and mental chatter that goes on inside our heads; like our own personal radio or smart speaker that’s on in the background, interjecting commentary on our life.
Self-talk has been there as far back as we can remember from childhood. In the 1920s the Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky observed young children talking to themselves as they played and proposed that over time their private speech from social interactions starts to become internalised as inner speech by around four years of age. Once developed, the verbalised thought of inner speech becomes a very powerful tool, as it gives us the potential to be more aware of, and process thoughts, emotions, and behaviour that might have otherwise not been available to conscious experience.
Like anything powerful, self-talk can have positive and negative consequences. On the positive side, inner speech can help us make sense of and process what’s happening in the world around us. For instance, it can remind us to do something and help with planning and problem-solving. The downsides are that much of our self-talk works below conscious awareness; it tends to run downhill, so depletes our wellbeing, and we also tend to identify with what it says – as it’s always been part of who we are. Negative self-talk can be judgemental and makes comparisons. It’s also the mechanism for rumination and worry. Studies reveal that people prone to depression and anxiety tend to have dominantly negative self-talk. Not surprisingly, people with more positive self-talk tend to be happier and more successful.
In studies, researchers have found that areas of the brain involved in physical speech, like the movement of the larynx and muscles around the mouth, are very slightly activated with self-talk. Inner speech does not have to sound like a perfectly articulated voice in our heads. Often, it’s in a very shortened and condensed form and may not even make an internal sound before meaning takes place. For instance, you are lying in bed, hear the dustbin lorry and realize that you forgot to put the bins out the night before, and hear “bins” as self-talk that says enough in the context.
Like emotions, self-talk is not a particularly reliable guide to what’s going on in our experience. Thoughts are not facts and do not have to be believed. In addition, like the difference between the map and the terrain, thoughts are not the same as the real world “out there”. We interpret the world through our thoughts that often filter, bias, and limit what we actually see and hear.
As well as inner monologue, we can sometimes revert to private speech, for instance, muttering “I’m so useless” under our breath. Thoughts have no power in themselves, it’s when we strongly identify with them that they become amplified. Verbalising negative thoughts gives them even more power. You may have come across the following saying that’s attributed to Lao Tzu, the ancient Chinese philosopher: ‘Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny”. Neuroscience confirms that the brain wires its pathways to match how we interpret the world around us, including the thoughts we entertain. Thoughts can trigger emotions, which leads to behaviour. The well-trodden pathways in the brain become our unconscious habit patterns.
Being mindful of self-talk does not mean we try to suppress it. Instead, we learn to become more aware of, discerning, accepting, kind and compassionate with our inner chatter. Noting the difference between thoughts that are negative, limiting or depleting, or positive, expansive, and nurturing is a useful skill. Simply observing the thought just as it is, is enough to change our negative self-talk habits. Through these approaches, we can also gain insights into whether the self-talk is useful, or no longer serves us. Ultimately, by being mindful of our self-talk, we can break negative habits and make step changes in our overall happiness, wellbeing, and effectiveness in the world.
Suggested weekly practice
- Use curiosity to become aware of your thoughts and notice whether they serve you or not.
- Note the difference between self-talk that is negative, limiting or depleting, or positive, expansive, and nurturing.
- Challenge negative self-talk by seeing whether it’s true or an opinion. If it’s a worrying thought, see if it is exaggerating what may happen and remember that things do not always turn out the way we expected
Guidance
Find somewhere undisturbed and sit in a comfortable, dignified and upright posture, where you can remain alert and aware.
There are two guided practices for this session. You can close your eyes, or lower your gaze while the meditations play.
- Play the first settling practice, then read through the session content, which you can print off if that helps.
- Then play the second practice to explore self-talk with curiosity, openness, patience, kindness and beginner’s mind.
