We all have special things that we want to hold onto: our grandmother’s engagement ring, that old toy from our childhood, or a teenage diary. Some people are so reluctant to let go of things that it becomes a hoarding disorder, which is a compulsive, emotional need to hold onto possessions. It is estimated that between 2% and 5% of the UK population has a hoarding disorder, which the World Health Organisation has classified as a mental health condition. People who have a hoarding disorder have typically experienced some form of childhood trauma and developed the behaviour as a form of self-soothing to make themselves feel better.
Although few of us will become compulsive hoarders, we all hold onto old beliefs and ways of thinking and feeling that no longer serve us, that limit our potential. Hardly a moment of experience is immune to some of the mental and emotional baggage we drag into the present. Every raw moment of experience is potentially clean and unblemished before we perceive the world through our own particular mental and emotional overlays and filters. At best, this distorts how we see the world; at worst, it can suck the joy out of life. For one person, snow is a minor disaster, and for another, a joy.
So why do we hold onto thoughts and emotions, and how can we let go and discover the freedom, potential, and possibilities of each flowing moment of experience?
We’re attached to recurring thoughts and emotions because they are part of “what it means to be me”: my story, my situation, my relationships, my unpleasant experiences from childhood, my mistakes, my reactions and regrets, my feelings of shame, guilt, or sadness, my worries, and anxieties. Like a speck on our sunglasses, which is so close to our eye that it’s out of focus, we easily lose sight of attachments in the unnoticed background of our experience.
When our mind wanders, we often run through unresolved issues in our life just below conscious awareness, which then re-energize feelings held in the body. For instance, we may be innocently cleaning our teeth when our attention becomes distracted by thoughts of what happened last Saturday, “Did she really say that?”, “Who does she think I am?” As feelings become re-energized, the body contracts a little, muscles tighten around the neck, face, and shoulders, and our blood pressure rises slightly, all in the unnoticed background of experience.
The first step in letting go is to notice what’s happening in the field of your awareness, which encompasses thoughts, emotions, feelings, and sensations. For example, it may be that we notice a sudden physical contraction or tightness that alerts us to a little bit of frustration arising in a meeting. The next step is to fully observe, acknowledge, and accept what’s going on with openness and kindness, allowing the thoughts, feelings, and sensations to be just as they are, without trying to immediately change or fix things with the mind. Every moment is a potential life-changer if we’re aware enough to simply observe and gain insight into what’s going on. No need to overthink or otherwise block our experience. Habits that are no longer useful become powerful because they remain unnoticed. If something has a strong hold and is difficult to let go of, try directing your attention to what “holding on” feels like, resting in this experience, and then letting it release and dissolve in its own time, like suddenly noticing that you’ve been holding onto something really tightly and releasing your grip.
The American playwright Tennessee Williams observed, “Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”
Letting go is about:
- Being present to your experience
- Noticing and acknowledging that past impulses and beliefs may be active in the background
- Realizing that you actually have the choice and freedom to let go and think, feel and act differently and more skilfully
Letting go is a radical invitation to stop clinging to anything, whether it’s a belief, a feeling, a habit, a relationship, your smartphone, your role, or even ideas about your appearance. Letting go is something each of us does every night. We lie down on a bed, turn out the lights, and let go of being awake. So, assuming that you can go to sleep, you’re already very experienced in letting go.
Suggested weekly practice
- Actively noticing tightness and tension as it develops during the day, and release and let go if you can.
- Practise noticing, acknowledging, and letting go of feelings as they arise.
- Explore what you hold onto with curiosity, especially anything negative, limiting, or depleting, or no longer serves you and others, and see what insights emerge.
Guidance
Find somewhere undisturbed and sit in a comfortable, dignified and upright posture, where you can remain alert and aware.
There are two guided practices for this session. You can close your eyes, or lower your gaze while the meditations play.
- Play the settling practice, then read through the session content, which you can print off if that helps
- Then play the second audio to explore and experience letting go of thoughts, emotions, feelings, and physical sensations that no longer serve you.